College is truly one of the most life-changing, fun, and beneficial experiences that a person can choose to pursue. But even though college is all of those fantastic things, it can also be very challenging, and the thought of those challenges can often cause high school students to worry about their future. This worry is normal to feel, but NEVER FEAR! Your friends at The Called Collective and IWU's School of Theology and Ministry have created a series of growth plans to help you navigate common challenges that students face so you can CRUSH FRESHMAN YEAR.
In part 2 of our blog series on College Essentials, we're presenting a growth plan designed specifically to assist students with connecting relationally by first helping them to Find Friendships and then equipping them with the tools to Develop Friendships.
Finding Friendships
- Attend Unit Dinners/Events. IWU’s Residential Learning encourages every single RA to provide some form of unit connection point every single week. Typically, this connection point takes the form of a dinner, a unit devo, or a unit event. These events are crafted specifically for students to connect with their unit and have a good time!
- Keep your Room Door Open/Hang Out in the Lobby. Another tip to that helps you to connect with people in your hall is to keep your room door open or hang out in the lobby when you are free and in your Residence Hall. Taking both of these actions does not guarantee community; however, both create opportunities to connect with others and build community in your building!
- Ask Others to Eat with You. A surefire way to meet people is around the table; after all, everyone has to eat! Ask a person or a group from your hall or one of your classes to lunch or dinner. This is a low-risk way to get to know and connect with others. Most of the time, people will say yes, however even if no one you know is available, take this as an opportunity to ask to sit with someone knew in Baldwin. Almost no one will say no, and it's an excellent opportunity to get to know new people!
- Ask Classmates to Study with You. Another nearly surefire way to connect with other students is by asking classmates if they want to study with you. This is helpful because it allows you to help one another and provides an activity to work on together. This tip is especially useful when there is a big project due where you can help one another work through roadblocks!
- Talk to your RD. Another great suggestion is to talk with your Resident Director. Resident Directors are adults who live in your building and are highly trained professionals whose job it is to help students succeed and thrive. Every single RD on IWU's campus is spectacular, loves meeting with students and is an incredible resource for students living in their building!
Developing Friendships
- Plan Intentional Time Together. This might seem really basic, but the number one way to build and develop a friendship is to spend intentional time together in groups and in one on one settings. Whether that be getting coffee or lunch, or participating in an activity together like intramurals, events on campus, or discovering something new in the community, time spent together is the bedrock of any relationship.
- Listen Well. Another critical aspect of developing a relationship is cultivating the ability to listen well to others. Healthy friendships require active participation in someone else's life, and that includes listening to them and supporting them through their problems. A few keys to making the speaker feel heard are, a mind focused on the speaker, open body language, empathizing before advice-giving, and asking the speaker how you can support them.
- Encourage and Affirm Them. Life can be so hard at times, yet as Christians, we are called to build one another up. One of the best ways to do this is to encourage and affirm those closest to you. Biblically, encouragement is more than a simple "your outfit looks nice," for while compliments are important, we are called to a higher standard of encouragement. Instead, help those closest to you identify and activate the gifts and personality traits that are pleasing to God! I.E., "your joy is such a blessing in my life and a gift from the Lord!"
- Vulnerability. One aspect of deep friendships that is hard but necessary is a commitment to mutual vulnerability. Whether this is as simple as sharing the hard parts of your day, or as deep as sharing your story and current struggles, vulnerability is an essential aspect of relationships as it allows us to show others the most accurate version of ourselves. Here we are given an excellent opportunity to receive the unconditional love of God through his people, even when we as individuals are unable to feel it.
- Forgiveness. Every friendship will hit rough patches from time to time, and individuals will hurt one another in big and small ways. It is our duty as Christians, and people who love well to both forgive others when they wound us and work through problems in healthy ways. One way of doing this is the Non-violent communication method. This method contains four parts, Observe the situation objectively, Identify the Feelings that the situation brings up, find the unmet Need or value that is causing that feeling, then Request actions that would meet those needs.